Radio Show Info


Show Title: Communicate Your Needs- Make Your Relationship Work

Name of Guest: Dr. Harville Hendrix

Book Titles:

What are the basic points Dr. Hendrix wants listeners to remember:

  1. My wife and I do intensive couples weekends.
  2. Our goals: We want you to understand that your choice is deeply influenced by your childhood and caretakers. You are trying to complete projects not finished by your caretakers. In marriage, you are trying to get your needs met that were not met by your caretakers. Some examples of those needs are as follows: need gratification for children; not enough warmth, presence, involvement.
  3. The needs are all natural and normal in childhood if met.
  4. Your marriage is about helping your partner meet those needs not met in childhood. You have to finish that childhood agenda and stretch into it and grow and finish your childhood.
  5. When you meet someone you are attracted to (romantic love and falling love) the experience happens when your unconscious memory compares this person to your caretakers. You do not know this is going on.
  6. After you learn all of this, you will realize that your partner is wounded.
  7. We teach you imago dialog which helps you respond to each others needs at such a deep level.
  8. You really get to understand each other by mirroring them back and then express empathy, which is a healing process and gives you information.
    The steps are:
    1. Understand your marriage
    2. You have to learn a skill: imago dialog
    3. Make a commitment to always talk and stay in connection.
  9. You have to do this exercise, which is aimed at keeping couples always talking so that they eliminate shame, blame, and all negative transactions.
  10. The reason to do this is that all humans want, is to feel connected. Negatives cut the connections. If you do these three things your marriage will work.
  11. We then help replace negative transactions with positive ones. For example, when a partner is never on time. We say there is a wish embedded in this statement. Turn the criticism into a request. Please be on time.
  12. They must learn to be equal partners.
  13. Ultimately, partners need to be in a conscious partnership.
  14. The preceding archetype equals freedom.
  15. The archetype of equality: forms of behavior or information that rise out of the collective from the universe, shaped by our experience.
  16. In the horizontal world, equality extends to everyone and therefore conscious partnership. They became partners by dialog, which happened when people felt they were equal.
  17. Dialog removes the vertical and puts everyone on a horizontal equal plane. This will help bring the archetype into being which is different from traditional marriage.

Contact Information for Dr. Hendrix:


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Broadcast Date: Monday November 28, 2005 at 9:00 A.M. Pacific / Noon Eastern

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